Dumpfries, VA

so, another attempt to quit/cut back on smoking. i really enjoy singing but i have a very hard time holding a pitch or even singing in an attractive way, because of how much i smoke.
i have no more money. a factor that gets put into play, when i am broke, is how often i bum cigarettes off of my friends. also, i end up rolling cigs. these are indications that i am low on funds.
ive tried quitting a few times but my motivation is always because i know i wont be able to buy another pack tomorrow. the same applys this time. ehh. so ill just say im cutting back.
fuck quitting.
smoking is a luxury i enjoy.
anyways, the method i am using this time is nasty as shit.
i talked to my good friend in florida and his method has worked.
pretty much, nicotine patches are shit. ive tried them before and end up smoking while i have one on. also, i had a hard time sleeping and when i did, i experienced the most lucid, tripped out dreams, ever! which were kinda neat but i was wayyy tired when i woke up. when i ran out of patches, i just smoked a lot more too. i really suck at using those patches.
sooo, with the disgusting method my good friend used, i bought a can or copenhagen pouches.
i probily should have gotten some flavored skoal or something because these cope pouches TASTE HORRIFIC! haha.
the smell is pretty rank too.
and this smell is exactly why i am writing this blog.
this smell made me think of being a little dude.

my dad dips tobacco. or he used to. i really dont know.
he did when i was a little shit in virginia. thats where i lived.
i remember how he would hide it. i would always wonder what was going on with that circular object in his pocket. sometimes it was in the door pocket of out van.
i remember he also chewed trident gum.
when i asked for a piece of gum, he would give me one.
but this gum didnt smell as minty and i expected, never when it came out of his pocket.
he would pull the pack of gum out of his pocket along with pennies, receipts, and of course, the can of chew.
i would put the gum in my mouth and it tasted old, minty but old with a hint of my dad's pocket.
i always thought that smell was pennies. when i was little, the only pennies i came across was the ones from my dad's pocket.
this was a familiar smell of my dad.
loose change and chewing tobacco.

and some pictures of a 1990's lower-middle class family on the next entry
(my scanner is sucking)